Thoughts after MA and TA and Adjunct Orientations
A week of orientations -- first a short one for new MA students at UH; then three days of meetings for new TA's at UH; then another orientation for adjuncts at LSC yesterday morning and evening. I probably put 300 miles on the truck, easily, and was exhausted by last night.
Excited about being back at school at UH, though I'm intimidated by the other students -- I'm not the scholar nor writer that they are.
Definitely intimidated by the UH teaching expectations -- very high-brow, theoretical, instead of of the pattern-focus of LSC. But will be a good learning experience for myself. Just lots of work.
Not intimidated by the LSC workload, but already am hating the amount of grading I'll be doing. I've decided to reduce the papers to four instead of five, with more in-class writing activities. This may make the class less interesting because students tend to like discussion; so will have to offer more personal reading and on-line discussions, even required.
Dr. Kessler is a supervisor. I tried to pretend I didn't know her when first meeting her on Monday, but she had recognized my name. It's both embarrassing and uncomfortable. I try so hard to live away from my old lives, so when people show up from these old lives, I feel naked and ugly. She hasn't changed much in 20+ years -- seeking to please, constantly smiling, wanting to always control a situation; I hope to avoid her for most of my time at UH. All the other faculty I met this week seem really spectacular -- engaging, interested and interesting, concerned about academic and teaching success.
The other students are for the most part friendly, though some are shy. Mostly women, the few men I met are all friendly and relaxed. The women range from those with multiple piercings to more conservative, and one wears traditional Islamic (?) dress. Among students and faculty there are some homosexuals, and I wonder if I'm going to be concerned about this at all for the next several years. Went out of my way to talk to a few, but was behind the curve, as others were definitely more sociable than me.
I was especially concerned through the three days to learn that seemingly everyone else is a writer of some sort -- poet, short-story author, novelist, dramatist. When I was at U Memphis, and even during the one course I took at UH years ago, I never actually interacted with any students (except for a lunch with one at Memphis, Nancy here in Houston), and so am surprised that so many grad students are already so accomplished and frankly so focused. I'm twenty years older than most, and most already have entire works published or at least written. There's much to say on that. I had already decided that I would speak with Dr. Lindahl and ask his advice for direction to publish ... somewhere. Now I feel pressured to do so. But I don't consider myself a writer, and only ("only?") a scholar, and not even that really. A reader, but not a scholar.
I also don't want to become obsessed and depressed with these deficiencies. Obviously someone at UH thought I was prepared enough to be an MA student, and I do have a lot of education behind me. Even if I've forgotten everything, I do have the experience of learning, and that counts for something. Just concerned about everything on my plate.
Aside from temporal concerns, these were what I wrote during the last day of UH orientation:
Excited about being back at school at UH, though I'm intimidated by the other students -- I'm not the scholar nor writer that they are.
Definitely intimidated by the UH teaching expectations -- very high-brow, theoretical, instead of of the pattern-focus of LSC. But will be a good learning experience for myself. Just lots of work.
Not intimidated by the LSC workload, but already am hating the amount of grading I'll be doing. I've decided to reduce the papers to four instead of five, with more in-class writing activities. This may make the class less interesting because students tend to like discussion; so will have to offer more personal reading and on-line discussions, even required.
Dr. Kessler is a supervisor. I tried to pretend I didn't know her when first meeting her on Monday, but she had recognized my name. It's both embarrassing and uncomfortable. I try so hard to live away from my old lives, so when people show up from these old lives, I feel naked and ugly. She hasn't changed much in 20+ years -- seeking to please, constantly smiling, wanting to always control a situation; I hope to avoid her for most of my time at UH. All the other faculty I met this week seem really spectacular -- engaging, interested and interesting, concerned about academic and teaching success.
The other students are for the most part friendly, though some are shy. Mostly women, the few men I met are all friendly and relaxed. The women range from those with multiple piercings to more conservative, and one wears traditional Islamic (?) dress. Among students and faculty there are some homosexuals, and I wonder if I'm going to be concerned about this at all for the next several years. Went out of my way to talk to a few, but was behind the curve, as others were definitely more sociable than me.
I was especially concerned through the three days to learn that seemingly everyone else is a writer of some sort -- poet, short-story author, novelist, dramatist. When I was at U Memphis, and even during the one course I took at UH years ago, I never actually interacted with any students (except for a lunch with one at Memphis, Nancy here in Houston), and so am surprised that so many grad students are already so accomplished and frankly so focused. I'm twenty years older than most, and most already have entire works published or at least written. There's much to say on that. I had already decided that I would speak with Dr. Lindahl and ask his advice for direction to publish ... somewhere. Now I feel pressured to do so. But I don't consider myself a writer, and only ("only?") a scholar, and not even that really. A reader, but not a scholar.
I also don't want to become obsessed and depressed with these deficiencies. Obviously someone at UH thought I was prepared enough to be an MA student, and I do have a lot of education behind me. Even if I've forgotten everything, I do have the experience of learning, and that counts for something. Just concerned about everything on my plate.
Aside from temporal concerns, these were what I wrote during the last day of UH orientation:
- As a scholar, I think my background is limited -- everyone seems to know more than me.
- I'm also concerned about repetition and original thought.
- As a teacher, I'm concerned about really teaching vs. babysitting [I think I babysit at LSC?] I know what to do to prepare them, but what are they learning?
- I am boring, unexciting and unexcited. Need to increase energy, smile more, engage more. Fake it if necessary.
- Work on socialization -- accept invitations and offers to try recommended events/places.
- Communicate with profs -- seek outside academic interests, conversation.
